What Labels Are Shaping Your Identity?

I recently picked up Alex Seeley’s book, Tailormade, and only a quarter of the way through it I was blown away. She writes about the uniqueness of God’s children, and how we all have a predestined and important purpose, but how oftentimes, we limit ourselves from our potential because of the labels that have been put on us. Sometimes labels from our parents, peers, siblings, or even from ourselves. Labels like fat, skinny, stupid, not worthy, not important, or in Alex’s case, an accident. 

I was attracted to this book from the perspective of learning what I could about the limiting beliefs of labels and how this could be helpful to me in reaching my clients on a deeper level, to help them discover what false labels they are living by that are limiting their potential to create a life full of health and vibrancy. 

After chapter one, I knew that God led me to this book for me, to help me identify the labels I live by. The things that were said to me from childhood and on that have held me back and made me believe a false narrative about myself. The things that God never said about me, the things that are opposite of who He says I am. These labels impact my identity today, and I didn’t even realize I had this ticker tape playing in my mind for all of these years until I was reading her story and I identified myself with so much of what she had written. 

In a whirlwind, I heard label after label playing through my mind. Labels reminding me that I’m forgotten, I’m abandoned, I’m lazy, I’m clumsy, I'm not worth sticking around for, I’m not worth fighting for, I’m too emotional, I don’t know how to manage my money, I’m irresponsible, I’m valuable because of my body, I’m not intelligent, I should just work a stable 9-5 like everyone else because I’m not cut out for entrepreneurship. As I type these words I know they aren’t true, but I also know that I second guess myself and my abilities to live out my dreams because of them. 

I realize that every single thing that I do is to try to prove these labels wrong. To try to prove myself. That I am worth it. That I am intelligent. That I am responsible. That I can and will achieve the dreams God has placed on my heart.

There have been plenty of milestone moments in my life that have caused me to realize my strength. I have learned that I am incredibly resilient and that I am actually a really great manager of my money. I had to tell myself these things over and over again, because it was a season of survival. Those tough seasons are good for teaching us what we’re made of, but I don’t want tragedy and heartbreak to be the only time that I see how strong I am. And neither does God.

I wonder, what labels are running through the ticker tape of your mind? How many of these words bring pain and shame? Open a women’s interest magazine and you will be bombarded with labels. Pear shape, apple shape, hourglass figure, curvy, straight, skinny. From adolescence (and sometimes earlier) we are taught to put labels on ourselves, to fit ourselves into a rigid box that was never meant for us. 

I want you to write out every negative label that is plastered on your heart. Labels from others, labels from yourself….make a list, fold it up, and verbally remind yourself that you are not those words. You are so much more, and you deserve so much more. Throw that list away, destroy it. Then get out a fresh sheet of paper and write down all of the beautiful things about you, write down your big dreams, write down the things you love about yourself, and the things you see in your future. Hang that list somewhere that you can see it. Speak those words over yourself everyday. Believe them and trust that they are for you.

Psalms 139:5-6, 13-18, 23-24 (The Passion Translation)
You’ve gone into my future to prepare the way,
    and in kindness you follow behind me
    to spare me from the harm of my past.
    With your hand of love upon my life,
    you impart a blessing to me.
This is just too wonderful, deep, and incomprehensible!
    Your understanding of me brings me wonder and strength.

You formed my innermost being, shaping my delicate inside
    and my intricate outside,
    and wove them all together in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, God, for making me so mysteriously complex!
    Everything you do is marvelously breathtaking.
    It simply amazes me to think about it!
    How thoroughly you know me, Lord!
You even formed every bone in my body
    when you created me in the secret place,
    carefully, skillfully shaping me from nothing to something.
You saw who you created me to be before I became me!
    Before I’d ever seen the light of day,
    the number of days you planned for me
    were already recorded in your book.
Every single moment you are thinking of me!
    How precious and wonderful to consider
    that you cherish me constantly in your every thought!
    O God, your desires toward me are more
    than the grains of sand on every shore!
    When I awake each morning, you’re still with me.

God, I invite your searching gaze into my heart.
    Examine me through and through;
    find out everything that may be hidden within me.
    Put me to the test and sift through all my anxious cares.
See if there is any path of pain I’m walking on,
    and lead me back to your glorious, everlasting ways—
    the path that brings me back to you.

While I was reading this book, I prayed for God to reveal to me the limiting beliefs and labels I had on my heart that were keeping me from fully walking in His grace and His promise. I'm going to be honest with you, when you pray this prayer, be prepared for what He will reveal. I have been pulling up pain so deep I didn't know I was still walking with it. Things I thought I had let go of that I was actually just masking or had tucked away neatly somewhere I thought I could hide it. Make sure you have someone close to you to guide you through these emotions with grace and wisdom. I've had many tear-filled conversations with my sweet and gracious fiancé over the past few weeks that have left me walking away like I dropped off a huge suitcase of ugly weight I had been carrying around. With each conversation I feel like a layer of film has been removed from my eyes and God has so lovingly revealed to me that He was there waiting for me to release these things to Him. To truly walk in the freedom I believe I have been given through His resurrection. 

We have been given true freedom in Him, and we can say we believe it everyday, but if we aren't walking and living and talking like we are free, we haven't quite grasped what this freedom is. Forgiveness is a gift we have been given through grace, and we must give this gift to those who hurt us in return for true freedom. Let go of the pain you are walking with, leave it at His feet and forgive those who have caused you pain. Walk in His grace and His freedom and live out the beautiful life He has planned for you!

As Isaiah 61 says, let His peace bestow on you a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. We shall be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor. (my paraphrase)

Love you so much!

Thank you Alex for sharing your story and allowing your vulnerability to bring hope and healing to others. I admire your courage and willingness to work on the dark and difficult parts of your past to bring you into true freedom and healing in Him. 

You can find more from Alex Seeley here.