Exactly thirty one days ago, I did something I thought I would never do. I deleted all social media apps from my phone. As a web-based entrepreneur, this was frightening. How would I continue marketing my services and providing free content? Wouldn't I lose all of my "followers" and risk becoming quickly forgotten in this ever evolving cyberspace? 

If I'm completely honest, those were all excuses. This was a step I knew I needed to take for my sanity and my creativity. I had spent months hearing God's ever gentle whisper to get back to writing, to pick up the book I started writing two years ago and put down when I got to the parts that were too personal to write down. To get back to blogging. Something I did for years long before I ever started my business. Before I ever even worked in this industry! When wellness truly was just my passion and the thing I wanted to share with the world. 

I knew I needed to get back. Writing is one of my favorite creative outlets, cooking being my other (not surprisingly). I write because it's easier to get everything out that I want to say without fumbling over my words or second guessing my convictions. It allows me to be both eloquant and bold, two things I deeply identify with but have trouble expressing in spoken word. 

I have a running list of  "blog post ideas" in my phone, along with an entire spreadsheet of topics I want to share. I have no end to the things I am passionate about and have important thoughts to write down, but I just haven't been doing it. 

It had gotten to the point where my avoidance and defiance to write had become intentional disobedience to the dreams in my heart. Like I was abandoning myself and dehydrating my soul. Dramatic? Yes. But I can't describe in any other way.

I'm a very data-driven person. I love knowing why and how things work, I love studying and observing human behavior, and I know that I won't do anything unless I know the facts behind it. If there isn't science to prove it, I'm likely to brush it off. Perhaps this sounds funny coming from a faith-driven, God loving woman, but that's a topic for another blog post!

So back to my love for facts, I thought, "Maybe my social media time isn't as bad as I think it is? Maybe my distractions from my work are really just from errands, household chores, and meetings?" So I did what any millennial would do, I downloaded an app to track my phone time (although I don't really identify myself as a millennial, I believe that's where I fall. Born 1985). The app promised to track all of my phone time and give me a breakdown of my phone usage each day.

About a week later my first report popped up. I was so excited, it was going to tell me I was just a really busy entrepreneur but my phone usage was pretty average. I was oh so wrong. To put it nicely, I was appalled at myself. Most days I was spending close to 6 hours on my phone, but one day, and I'm embarrassed to even write this, I spent 9 hours and 56 minutes on my phone! I thought, "How? Like what else did I even do that day?" Now I know not all of that time was spent on social media, I read on my phone, I text people, I'm always in my calendar, but still, that was just completely unacceptable to me. I was wasting my days away staring at a screen instead of pursuing my dreams. 

I knew I had to make a change and start working on the things God put on my heart, not checking to see what my neighbor ate for breakfast. I was nervous, those fears I mentioned earlier crept back into my mind. What about my business? Our wedding is almost here and we have so many payments due to our vendors, is this really the best time to cut off your only source of free advertising? Through prayer I was reminded that God provides all of my needs. God gave me the dream for my business. It was not my own. I was obedient in building it and taking the risk to leave my full-time job, and God had not let me down so far, He wasn't going to start now. Especially when I was making a decision that would only create more time for me to spend working on this dream, and ensuring that I would be fully reliant on Him to provide.

I made a quick little post to let everyone know I didn't die and I was going offline intentionally (funny how we feel the need to do that), and I hit delete on all social media apps. It was so exhilarating. I felt freedom. So strange how these invisible ties to inauthentic relationship can make you feel bound.

Now I do think social media can be a great tool in creating community and encouragement, but this has to be in the presence of real, authentic relationships as well. Our only social input cannot come from social media. We need genuine, physical relationships to keep us whole and nurtured, and looking into the eyes of the people we love rather than sitting next to them and staring at a screen.

So here I am, thirty one days later.

I'm sure you're wondering what I've been up to with all of that spare time. Well, for one, I've been reading (a lot!). I've read four books in the last 31 days. (Tailormade by Alex Seeley, Sandcastle Kings by Rich Wilkerson Jr., The Shack by William Paul Young, and Vision Map by Joel Malm). I have also been writing, as you are experiencing right now! I've been blogging and working on my book simultaneously. I don't write as much as I would like to, but I definitely am writing a lot more than I was a month ago. I have also been working on last minute wedding plan details (we are about a month out- woo hoo!).

So what have I learned? 

1. Social Media tricks us into believing we are in genuine relationship with people.

What I mean by that is this, there were many moments over the last month that I wondered what my friends were up to, and it forced me to actually reach out to them to say hi. Maybe you are really good at keeping in touch with people, I'm not. And following people on social media, even people I consider my close friends, creates an illusion in my mind that I'm keeping up on them. But if I'm just viewing and watching, but not actually engaging, then I'm not really being a good friend. I can't just "like" every post and leave a little comment and call that loving my friends. 

I also found that people assumed I knew what was going on with them because they posted on social media, not realizing I had deleted all apps and had no idea what they were talking about. On multiple occasions, friends would go on and on about something they posted presuming that I had seen said post. It was such an interesting interaction because even if I had stayed on social media, there's no guarantee that I've seen your post (unless of course I "liked" it).

2. I was using social media as a means to cure boredom, loneliness, impatience, and as a means of avoidance. 

The first few days after I deleted all of my social apps, I found that I would open my phone and go straight to where the apps used to be without even recognizing what I was doing until I got to the place and there wasn't anything there to entertain me. I started to pay attention to when I was doing this. What was the behavior pattern that was causing me to search for these apps on autopilot?

I found that it was typically when I was waiting. Waiting for someone, waiting for the subway (Lord knows that's the best distraction!), waiting for my matcha latte from the barista. It didn't matter what or who I was waiting for, waiting in general was a trigger to open my social apps. As if the slightest bit of patience required to wait was just too much to bear, regardless of the wait time. I also noticed I would reach for these apps as a way to not feel alone when I was by myself, especially when I felt uncomfortable. That's not even safe! If I feel threatened, I need to be aware, not distracted.

3. I don't miss it!

I thought I would be itching to get back online, but the truth is, I'm not! When I'm at a special event or doing something fun I definitely have a thought of wanting to share the moment. But I have actually found that it's much more fun to be in the moment! I spend much more time watching people and engaging with them, seeking eye contact and meaningful conversation than I did when I was recording every moment of my life. I'm not saying I'll never be back, because I will. But with fresh eyes and a more thoughtful heart behind it. 

I'm happy I took this time to get back into my life, and out of everyone else's. I think we can get distracted by what everyone else is doing and feel shortchanged about all of the incredible things that are going on in our own lives. It's hard to not feel envious or jealous while participating in social media, and that's when I think it's time to take a step back and soak in the moments of your own incredible life. 

If you've been feeling stuck in your creativity, your job, your relationships, or any other part of your life, you may need to take a little rest from watching everyone's life and look in a mirror instead. Limiting distractions brings great clarity, and clarity can bring great breakthrough.